The seven stages of grief
by laluluv
Summary: she knew it wasnt as it seams. she knew that it wasnt some cold but then again did she have to except it. ( involves character death)
1. stage 1 grief

**disclaimer:**

 **fairy tail belongs to the awesome hiro mashima**

 **trigger warming**

 **includes discussion of future character death, depression and probably something else I forgot to type. Please don't read if you can't handle these (for the whole story i wont post again)**

it started as a cold. you know the chills, sweating coughing and sneezing. she went to the guild smiling and waving mira off when the silver haired women would send her looks. after all it was just a cold . Bixsclow had tried to catch my eye a couple of times but i just ignored him assuming that he was trying to flirt and tried to cheerfully talk to mira

she tried to go on a mission with erza. tried being the key word. it was a simple one all she had to do was pose for a magzine ad but she got sent home early due to throwing up on the photographer's aid.

lucy new better to belive it was that simple but she tried to continue on with her life until the day of the rainbow festival returned. being that the guild disbanded and rejoined only a year ago the festival was no where near as big as it's foregoing festivals but she could still hear the crowds outside her apartment.

lucy pulled the blanket over her head and used the thick comforter to hide the wheezing coughs that escaped her body. natsu wouldn't be bringing her the tree this year. not only did master have freed put up protections around the tree but natsu had lisanna to worry about. you see ever since the pink haired fool discovered his dragons mate he paid attention to no one but the beast mage. she didn't blame him though thats whats mates are for.

as the night dragged on lucy found it harder and harder to breathe. struggling to sit up she let out a long rusty breath that turned into a series of coughs when she stopped she looked at her hand and stared at the blood spatter on her sleeve. a golden gate opened and lucy turned her head slowly the face the orange haired lion "its-its just a col-d loke. I'm fi-ne"

loke shook his head at his master and picked her up into his arms then he carried her into the restroom and started a steamy bath to help her breathe. lucy sat on the cold shower shivering "I'l-l be o-kay t-tomorrow I just need rest"

loke sholders tensed and frowened at his master even with his back turned to her he could tell her skin was flushed, her eyes blood shot and her once golden silk threads now looked dingy. "lucy i know you don't want to admit it-"

the clestial mage shook her head "no! I'm fi-ne i just need to rest- "

"FOR HOW LONG"he roard at her he took a deep breath and adjusted his glasses that had started to fog over "lucy i speak for everyone when we say we love you but we are concerned" he picked her up and sat her in the tub "you have been 'resting' for the last week and cancer told me how you asked him to make you a charm to hide your 'cold'" you could hear the hatred in his voice at the idea as he looked down at the white tiled ground.

she turned away from hugging herself tightly and he sighed and made his way toward his gate that he opened himself "I'll send virgo out to help you bathe... lucy I'll give you two more days of 'resting' then i am going to porlysica myself"

 **\--biscklow next day--**

"i dont like it boss it's like her soul is barely hanging on" bickslow sat at their table on the second floor. he looked down at the blonde and activated his figure eyes checking on her again. "if what I'm seeing is right she doesnt have long"

 **an/ yuppp i have noooo clue where this came from... sorry you guys who was waiting for the final chapter of save me**


	2. Pain & Guilt

an/ i know i know i need to end _save me_ but i cant deside how to end and fir some reason this story took over my brain

Lucy swung her legs over the edge of the bed in Porlysica office. she couldn't believe it, she was going to die and there nothing she could about it. the pain her chest grew but she knew it was her imagination considering the woman just gave her medicine to cancel out any pain she was in. "ok Loke lets go"

she decided to go Porlysica when Bix cornered her the day before

 **flashback**

Bix pinned Lucy against the outside guild wall "so you going to keep on ignoring me"

Lucy shoved the bi-colored haired mage off of her but he pressed back into "get off Bix"

bickslow grabbed her chin and forced her to look into his eyes "your charm doesn't work with me! tell me what's going on Lucy!"

she struggled to move away from him and growled when she couldn't actually shift her body "mind your own business it's just a cold"

she could feel the man tense through the muscles in his hand given that he stopped wearing his mask years ago I could she his eyes flicker with rage "'mind your own busin- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! did you FORGET the nature of my magic princess!" his voice went sickly sweet and she could tell she pissed him off his hand let go of her and he grabbed her shoulders instead so she couldn't escape "I can literally see the health of each and everyone of you guys. when a person is born or dies I see the soul enter in the body! in the neighboring villages of where I grew up I was not allowed to enter because people literally thought I was a grim reaper"

he took a quick second from his monologue to inhale and calm down "all that being said honey your soul is in terrible shape and threatening to leave as we speak."

the blonde jerked her upper body away and turned toward the street "like I said just a cold go away Bix"

bickslow sighed rubbing his forehead he really did instead to help her out he didn't mean to yell at her. he just wanted to make sure that she moved on rather than... "when you're ready to talk you know where to find me"

 **\--line--**

Lucy chugged the 17th shot that the bartender slid her and felt the amber liquid burn its way down her throat. the once luscious blonde had long felt it's effects but she just wanted to fade away the pain in her chest but all it did was make her realize the thing she could never accomplish so she sat here talking to herself and pretending the bar tender heard her and that he did start serving her ginger ale after the 8th shot when she was plenty drunk already

"I never even had my first kiss, let alone had sex. technically I've never drank either this is my first time" shifting in her seat she almost fell off the hand shaped barstool "I'll never marry, never have kids, never dress up my imaginary daughter for her first day at school or first date."

she swirled around feeling the world spin with her she took a second to correct herself she looked out at the sea of people "well I could at least loose my virginity before I die. I mean what good would it do me in the afterlife"

as she stumbled into the sea of gyrating bodies she didn't notice the bartender dial up to the vip room to alert the seith mage if what was happening. Lucy felt someone grab her ass and another person pull her into their hips so she started grinding into the two men regardless of the consequence. today she was going to do it. she was going to put on her big girl thongs and loose her virginity.

that is until the men both raised their hands in fear and wove back into the crowds

she looked up into a pair of stunning red eyes. not registering who the eyes belong to she smirked to herself the mission still ever present in her mind "you'll do just fine"

"cos-mm" the celestial mage grabbed him by his tight compression shirt and pulled him down to her level. she'd kissed the muscled mage with all her might albeit it was a little bit sloppy -it was her first self initiated kiss after all- but as he relaxed into her and started to respond pulling her flush against him his arms wrapped around her.

it was her moan that brought him back to the present and it he pulled away from her. grabbed her and pulled her toward the door. "come on cosplayer some flesh air might do you good right now"

"ok mom" she giggled at herself the made it halfway to her house with her mostly be having herself. come on its mischievous Lucy. she kept on making remarks about bickslow using his tounge like she was the lollipop that she somehow convinced the bartender to give her.

so as they neared closer to the house Lucy saw the edge that parallel the canal and she hopped onto its wall "you know I always thought you were hot but I let the rumors of you being a man whore scare me away. then when I learned you were Boscan it made so much sense. I wish I were Boscan than I would die a virgin. there was so many things I have left to do..."

she twirled around on the edge and wobbled so he grabbed her hand to steady her "so I was right. if you don't mind me asking what off"

Lucy looked down focusing on the wall "cancer Porlysica gave me 3 months"


	3. anger and bargaining pt1

**an just a warning this chapter has a lot of flash backs (the italics) also i was curious if anyone thinks i should try and save lucy let me know in the comments...** ""Damn team Natsu" I swung at the magical dummy in the gym of the guild. everything just seamed to be building to a peak lately

as I punched and kicked the dummy I thought about all that happened

 _"Lucy the rest of team Natsu have been talking" Natsu said as we walked toward the guild we paused in the road so he direct his attention to her. "we are kicking you off the team. you aren't as strong as the rest of our team and you are always relying on us to protect you. we can't constantly worry about you and get the mission done. and you seriously need to lose weight not only was happy struggling to carrying you last mission but half way through you had to stop because you were out of breath and almost got kidnapped by a Vulcan" I couldn't respond to him as I felt a cold shiver run through body as the nightmare of losing my family became reality "I'll tell the master don't worry you wont have to_ _he started toward the guild and I shook my head and grabbed him before he got to far_

 _"wait I can change! I'll stop using my keys so much and I'll work out and-"_

 _"stop Lucy I said no" he cut me off and continued towards his destination_

 _"wait, you don't understand I'm dyin-"_ _he growled and turned toward me_

 _"I hate when you get so melodramatic. just except it Lucy! you had a cold 2 weeks ago and all the sudden you're dying, you are off the team we already."_

 _I collapsed to the ground my head in my hands as the rain started to pour down around me. oh how cliché I was, crying in the rain over something I lost._

I round housed kicked the dummy dropping down to avoid its kick back. "damn master, Fread, and Laxus"

 _Freads dark eticure eye started glowing purple as he watched me for a brief moment before he turned to go up the step. I didn't need the dragon sense to know that Fread was being a snitch. Not a second later Laxus's voice filled the air and I looked up to see my pseudo brother leaning over the rail calling me to his grandfather's office._

 _when I got to the room I winced as I saw the normally light hearted man look so serious._ _"take off the charm" Markov's voices boomed his features creased as he watched the terror of the idea fill my face_ _I shook my head in fear of what'd they see._

 _Laxus growled at me "take off the Charm or I'll have Fread break it"_ _slowly I slipped the bracelet off of my wrist and everyone in the sucked in a huge breath. my body had definitely changed in the last few weeks I lost a lot of weight and my health 119 pounds had dropped down to 95 pounds. my normal ponytail was dropped down into a lose greasy bun. with that combined with my pale sweaty skin there was no hiding it anymore I was dying._

 _Laxus growled out "why didn't you tell us you where sick"_

 _"because its my own problem! " I frowned at him "don't act like bickslow didn't tell you what's wrong with my I know he did!"_

 _Laxus shifted feet and was about to say something but Fread came to his aid "bickslow hasn't talked to anyone since a week ago on Tuesday. He shows up for a few hours hear to eat then he disappears_ again."

 _this causes me to look down in shock. lasy tuesday was that night at the club..._

 _Markov put his drink he had been drinking down the table loudly and turned to me. "Lucy given that you won't tell us what is wrong with you I am grounding you until you get better or until further Notice."_

 _I looked at him enraged "you can't do that my rent is-"_ _he put his hand over my mouth without getting up and glared at me_

 _"child it is for your best interest. I don't want you on a dangerous mission and passing out_. _you can work at the bar with Mira for a job and we won't tell anyone what is wrong but you need to get it together"_

while I was down on the ground I brought the palm of my hand flattened it into the dummy's nose "damn Cana"

 _Cana's skinny hand snapped her fingers in front of my face and brought me into the current situation. I was 100,00 short on rent and my chubby landlady was already hanging over my head about the rent for the month. "man Lucy you need to get laid, I can see the tension in your shoulders from here. nothing like a great roll in the sack"_

 _she lifted her stein and I refilled the empty cup I shook my head her God knows I wanted to lose my virginity before I died but everyone around knows that Laxus claimed me kin thanks to the article Jason wrote in sorcerer weekly and those who didn't quickly found out. I sighed and rolled my eyes trying not to feel envious of her ability to have sex whenever she wanted_

I grabbed the shoulders of the dummy and slammed my knee into its rib several times "damn Levy"

 _the blue hair mage bounced over to me as I sat slouched in my chair. I leaned back into my chair and sighed ignoring her. all I wanted was for this migraine to go away. ever since I found out I was dying I just couldn't put up with her and her 'Gajeel this, Gajeel that'. seriously she was getting worse than Jet and Droy did her. though the two were dating ..._

 _"lulu Chan~" she said in her overly cheery voice_

 _I lolled my head over to look at her. "yes Levy?"_

 _"guess what I found out ?" she poked my side and I hid the wince of pain well enough she didn't even notice. looking back up at the ceiling I grunted in response and she took that as a need to continue "I'm pregnant!" she loud enough for the guild to hear._

 _Mira squealed loudly. I sighed, muttered a congratulations as I let the crowd overtake her and I slipped out while nobody was looking._

i was slamed to the ground as the dummy grabbed my foot and threw me over its head straight into the ground. i started to wheeze as i rolled into a ball on my knees and tried to catch my breath. i brished off my knees and started my way homhome ignoring everyone who questioned my shortness of breath 'two more months until i die'


	4. failed bargaining

Lucy looked at the doctor with nothing but desperation filling her soul. she was currently sitting in a cold sterile white washed room with a man who's eyes reflected his setting.

"you have to be able to do something" Lucy handed the doctor her folder. she had tried to get Markov to take her off suspension but he saw her little... therapy in the gym a week ago and told her no. so she used her savings to pay half of her rent promising to have the rest when she got a job. now she had no money for next months rent or food. her small job as a barkeep was helping a little but not enough.

so here she was, in yet her third oncology office with her third doctor "you've already been through this you already know my answer"

"but there has to be something-chemo, radiation something! I cant just die I'm only 23!" She slammed her hands down onto the desk glaring the doctor. it pissed her off to no end when these last few doctors she met left here they didn't think one thing of their patients they just went off with their lives do very little to actually help their patients only helping the easy cases to boost their ratings

"I'm sorry I can not do anything for you Ms.-" he paused looking into the folder to check her name. "Ms. Heartfila. the tumor has simply grown to big even if we did operate it would leave you with to little if a lung to survive. Perhaps it would be best for you to retire to your family estate- assuming you have it still- and live the rest of your 2 months left in peace"

Lucy looked at the man she couldn't let him leave here without letting him see what he was ignoring. she pulled off her charm and watched his face scrunch up in disgust "do you see this" she pointed to her sick body "this is the body of every woman, man, child you chose to ignore! I want you to see it to ingrain it into your brain! I'm tired of people like you who just get into things for the profit and not to help "

a female nurse came to escort her out but she jerked out off the woman's arm putting the charm back on she walked out of the clinic with her head held high. "I can remove myself thank you"

she made her way to her apartment holding back the tears muttering to herself as she walked "he really was my last hope there are no more cancer specialists in this area... I can't afford to travel outside of magnolia...what am I going to do? if I don't get better than I cant go on missions... if I can't go on missions then I can't I can't pay my rent...

speaking of rent as I made it to my apartment all of my stuff was outside and a man was loading it into the trash I ran up to the man and started grabbing the stuff from the stranger. "what are you doing that's my stuff I had 1 more week"

she tried beating on his back as he walked towards the truck so she turned towards the landlord's apartment and began beating on the door "You said I had 2 weeks, you promised!"

the door jerked open and she looked down at the repulsing woman who had obviously already rummaged through her closet wearing one of the outfits Virgo made for her. the older woman's saggy breast wear badly attempting to hold up the heart shaped tube top and the disconnected sleeves where falling off the bone thin arm. her misshaped belly led into the to short skirt.

"I said you had 2 weeks or until I found a new tenant whether or not you heard the last part because I muttered it is on you"

"please I have no where to go" I pleased "or at least let me get my stuff"

she shrugged "that's up to the new tenant but he seamed pretty adamant about getting everything done today"

mentally cursing the woman in my head I ran to the man who glared at me but paused in his work of clearing away my treasures "I'm Lucy, can I please get my items back. I'll give you 1,000 jewel and I'll be out of your way quickly"

he looked at me and I winced thinking of what the could be thinking "1,000 buys you ten minutes a blowjob gets you 30" she threw the thousand jewel at the man and ran into wincing as she noticed how little stuff actually remained.

"if only I had my keys still Virgo and like could have had this packed in no time..." she began searching through pile in the center of the room and found her mothers locket, dads ring the Michelle doll, and her letters to her deceased family. but where was her medicine

the man walked in smirking "times up"

pulling up my wrist to look at the man "its only been 8 minutes"

he laughed darkly running his fingers through her hair and she shivered "yes, but you spent 2 of your ten talking to me"

"but I need my medicine it'svery important" she started gathering her findings

he shrugged "not my problem you should have paid your rent I cleaned the bathroom first so it was with the first load of trash"

running outside before he could even remember the offer he was trying earlier she shook her head.

the trip to the Porlysica house turned out turned out to be useless. the old woman's tree had a note on the front door telling anyone of Markov's brats to leave her property alone because she was going on a herb hunt then a trip to a old friend's house and wouldn't be back for a month. Lucy at that point wanted to cry because in a hour tops she needed to take her medication.

she was able to find cheap motel room in the bad side of town. the walls was decorated in a cheesy floral wallpaper that screamed the x696. there was pealing forest green paint on the frames and print. the outdated lightning that shone onto the room just helped paint the room as one of a horror movie.

so here she was curled into a ball underneath three layers of blankets shivering and hacking. she couldn't help it she had already tried cough syrup and all it did was help her. not focus on the pain deep in her chest or how raw her throat felt right now. she winced as her neighbor all but put a whole through the wall as he told her to 'shut the hell up or he will come over'

"I miss Aries she could had made the wall thicker or the bed comfier. I miss Virgo she could have helped me find my medicine. I miss loke even though he was a perv he was great listener and gave the best cuddles. " as she started listing off her many spirits and what they where good for she food her self in a deep sleep before she knew it

when she walked out of her room her 'neighbor' was leaning on the door frame waiting for her "I know someone who could help with that little pain of yours but it comes at a cost..."

she studied him cautiously at this point she was willing to do anything so ignoring her instinct that was screaming for me to turn around "are you sure it will work."

we traveled half way down the dank narrow alley next to the hotel and stopped in front of a steel screen door. he banged on the door and someone on the other side slid back a small opening in the door "what's the code"

he looked me up and down and I shivered at the predatory gleam in his eye turning back to the door "green sunflower"

the man laughed and jerked opened pulling us into the room and slapping his friend on the back looking me up and down he licked his lips "man its been a while since you brought us one of these what she in for"

"something hard and fast dude she was hacking all night kept almost all of up all night. she said she willing to pay" he smacked my ass and I flinched. the 2nd man grabbed my hand and lead me into a room filled with dirty mattresses scattered around the room. people were already either ejecting them self with some kind of needle or 'paying' for their medicine

I found myself backing up from the room but another guy grabbed my arm he was wearing a tattered doctors jacket with one of those circular things on his head "come on you just a lil' jitta in ya step jitta bug imma make ya nice an fine darlin come on"

he dragged me over to an old lawn chair and my neighbor and the man from the door grabbed md by shoulders and pushed me into the chair holding me still "hold your horses woman!"

I started squirming and the 'doctor' held up a large needle and laughed cheerfully "hol on jittabug thisa losin ya up!"

the neighbor man's jaw dropped "I thought you used you used all of the incubus venom already"

I started struggling at the word venom and he slammed the plunger into my arm. "you said you where going to help me feel better not poison me please no, please don't" as the medicine kicked in quickly my pleading slowed and my body felt lighter.

the doctor walked away into another room. then the man that stood in front of me started for my pants so I kicked up in between his thighs aiming for his nuts but still to slowly that he was only kicked in his shin. everything appeared to be in slow motion even their talking and they looked like they were all covered in saran wrap "so shiny. no shiny my pants aren't coming off."

"damm she still has some kick in her hand me some redilin maybe that'll loosen her up some more" the other man through him a pack of pills and I began to shake my head at him

I tried to figure out which man was real as the brunette grew multiple arms and eye balls with bubbles coming out of his ears "no bubble blower I can't take that" he shoved the pill into my mouth and I felt my throat start to burn as the toxins mixed into my body. The way the venom attacks any kind of medicine it would cause me to OD"to much medi-" I managed to say before I felt my body start to shut down and my vision blurred. it was hard for me to focus a dark haired man came running into the room yelling at them to stop he was holding up the sorcerer's weekly magazine that had Laxus's and I's picture in it. spotting the state I was in he really began to freak out until another man slapped him to get his attention and told my neighbor and the guard to start stripping me of any identifiable material. they took everything My mother's locket, my father's ring, my charm..."

the last thing I saw was at the end of alley was one of bix's baby's flying by. I felt myself calling out for him but I new it was to late I was dead...

An/ DONT KILL ME IM SORRY. ok now that thats out of the way... its a depressing chapter but a key point for what happens with depression (i kinda feel like bargening and depresion got squished together somehow) so yes that means she lives after ths chapter... i have decided lucy may live depending on my evil brain ...


	5. her Healing

I opened my eyes and closed them quickly as the bright white light overcame me groaning slightly I sat there for a second while taking in my surroundings. I was breathing which meant I wasn't dead. there was a crisp dryness to the air that smelled like antiseptic cleaner and my mouth felt as though I swallowed sand. wiggling my arm a little I found two hairy things at my sides so I cracked my eye open and found Wendy and Bix with both of their head(he stopped wearing his helmet along time ago and she loved seeing his wild hair) on my thighs while Laxus had his feet propped up on the edge of the bottom of the bed with his thrown back letting out loud snores. all three had bags underneath their eyes as if they hadn't slept in a couple of days and Bickslow's hair was greasy as if he hadn't had a bath.

My eyes focused finally on Bickslow who woke up in my daze and was glaring at me his voice had a enraged tone to it "why did you do it?"

I looked at him confused and pulled away from him effectively waking everyone else "what did I do?"

"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO!" his loud voice cause Laxus and Wendy to growl at himself but he couldn't lower his voice she had to hear this. "First off you ignore the fact that you are sick for weeks, then you try and convince me to have sex with you in a drunken fit. you even went as far as to try and lie and say that you liked me when I'm practically already... then five days ago we get a call from Yukino trying to check on you because you wrote what she viewed as a suicide note! not only that you released all your spirits from their contract and gave her your keys."

I felt myself shrink into myself as his rant kept on until he closed his blood shot eyes and took a deep breath in Laxus continued what happened "Lucy, Gramps put out a guild wide search for you and when we found your apartment missing your stuff it turned into a body hunt. if Bickslow hadn't been in the right place at the right time..."

"these last few weeks I've have been researching and asking on ways to heal you" Bickslow sounded more serious and cold than I had ever heard him and I didn't like it.

"it's useless I went to all of the oncologists in the area none will take my case" I looked down at my bony hands

"you haven't my brother he can heal anything. Cristoff has been with my brother faron on guard duty I finally got ahold of him before you disappeared he will be back tomorrow so if you'll excuse me I'll contact Vander to pick you up"

Laxus sighed and stood up to follow the solemn man out of the door tossed up a pouch and caught it in his hand then turned to the blond "Yukino sent these back in case you got better. when Bix's family comes he can't go with you because of the ban on seith mages in Bosco. so be careful ok?" he tossed them with practice aim and they landed on the blonde's lap.

Lucy waited until the tall man left the room and the shudder ran through her as she felt the tears rise up inside her body until they pour out like a storm. she turned into Wendy who in her adulthood had grown to the same height of her. "what have I done Wendy what have I done?"

Wendy crawled into the bed and petted her hair and listened to the seith mage outside "calm down big sister Bix got ahold of his family so a man named Vander should be here soon. I healed the damage that your night out caused. why didn't you call me Lucy?"

Lucy looked down into her lap where the keys laid "you were on a 6 month mission with Romeo and having so much fun according to the calls I didn't want to disturb you guys"

Wendy hugged the woman and leaned her forehead to the blondes "no matter what family health comes first Lucy. Romeo could have held things down while I came to you then I could have went back. that's what is happening now. after Bickslow's brother comes to get you Laxus is taking me to the rally point where I'll meet Romeo and we'll continue"

"are you too doing well? with the mating I mean." I couldn't help but turn the subject to my little sister and her boyfriend

Wendy shook her head at her sister's antic "we're close he just keeps on stalling"

Lucy smiled "he's probably just nervous wont you be his first just like he'll be yours. Romeo probably doesn't want to admit it"

When the man with black hair streaked in a few places with a rich ruby red appeared in the room taking in the scene before him. the one he assumed was Lucy was laughing with hints of tears in her eyes. the woman beside her growled at the new intruder and he held up his hands with a disarming smile and tilt of his head so he was looking up through thick lashes at them doing his best to look innocent. "You must be the one that Bix was calling about I'm Vander i'll be taking you to Bosco."

Lucy looked at Wendy and Wendy nodded so Lucy swung her legs over the bed and attempted to stand but almost fell thankfully Wendy grabbed her arm in time "Lucy you've been asleep for a week your muscles have atrophied a little so take it easy." She looked hard at Vander. "Be careful with her, she's really run down."

Vander nodded, the reassuring smile firmly in place when it was clear Lucy was going to struggle he stepped quickly forward and swept her up into his arms. He almost grimaced when he did it and couldn't help but think she was so light... not that he ever struggled with picking up women but this was just too light. just looking at her it wasn't just Cristoff that was needed it was Kaleb to. "alright Lucy the first time void traveling can be scary so close your eyes, hold onto me and you'll be fine. are you ready?"

She looked longingly towards the door wanting to explain what all was going on to him but instead of doing what she wanted to she nodded her head at Vander her voice came as a whisper "lets go" she felt cold as he jumped into the voids and she buried her face into his chest.

as soon as it came it left and she felt the warm sun on her neck "Lucy we are here"

my surroundings were that of an artist dreams pale pink sand below our toes the Boscan sea off in the distance the house itself she would have took a whole page alone to describe still she couldn't fine it in herself do more than nod at the man as he led her through the door to tell her about all the rooms.

that night I couldn't sleep so I found myself wandering to a comfy corner in the library that was a nook in the window and had a gazillion pillows for her to hug as I stared out the window I fell asleep dreaming off warm red eyes and A shaggy black and blue mop of hair

in the morning time I woke to slight shaking by Arman "it's been a long time since I wake up to find someone laying here. Bickslow used to crawl up here when he couldn't sleep and he'd read himself to sleep" stretching I found myself thinking of a small child curled up into a ball reading himself to sleep.

the father figure helped me into the kitchen and an man named Mr. elan handed a plate full of warm pancakes fresh cut strawberries and a strawberry banana milkshake on the side "how did you know?"

Mr. elan smiled that sort of smile that reminded her of a grandparent "Bickslow called and handed the phone to some Mira woman who was worried you'd be homesick. she gave me the recipe for the pancakes though I must say I changed up the shake to something that'll help you gain your strength eat up I won't have no Borsa di ossa running around my kitchen."

Lucy was about to ask what he meant but decided against if and started to eat the pancakes moaning accidentally as she did. the fluffy pancakes were drizzled with a strawberry cream cheese syrup that melted in her mouth as she ate it "you sure you didn't change this recipe to? this taste awesome"

the temporary joy was replaced with the fact that bickslow was still thinking about me and my mask fell for a couple of seconds before I pushed it back in place

the door slammed and a man came in and threw his threw his sack on the table followed by a blonde man who went strait for the back yard

"I swear if the king of Pergande attempts to get into my pants one more time Vander is taking my spot as guard when Farron goes there." he turned to the blonde mage and smiled "hello you must be Lucy the one I have to heal..right?"

I nodded since my mouth was shoved full of pancakes at the current. it had been so long since I could find the desire to eat and these pancakes were so good I resorted to a near natsu level of manners.

Cristoff chuckled "I take it you like Mr. elans cooking alright after you finish eating make sure you see me in the family room i'm going to take a shower then I'll meet you there. " not even waiting for a response he turned and went for a shower.

When she finally made into the family room Cristoff was waiting there with a chair pulled up next to a soft looking chaise lounge. "come in and lay down"

she nodded and laid on the soft Christmas tree green sofa and propped her head on the pillow "this couch is comfier than it looks"

shaking his head at her he helped her get comfortable than rubbed his hands together focusing his magic into his palms he looked at started slowly reversing the damage that the cancer had caused. when he got to the lungs he paid special attention to the damaged tissue.

"Just regular mundane medicine still can't fight this sort of thing...and you left it long enough it's done some damage but, it's all workable. Bickslow told me to tell you, if you had just talked to them, told them, he could have called me sooner, I told him he was being a dick and we had a typical brotherly discussion about compassion, but so you know? I could have prevented this from getting this bad. Cancer is almost an evil, a corruption, and because my healing is infused with holy light magic, I'm good at curing it. My older brother Kaleb, you're GOING to work with him some too, he has special talents with light, magic, healing in a different way than I do, you need his help here too, but for now...lets get you feeling better.."

he wiped the sweat from his brow an hour later happy about what he'd accomplished and helped her sit up.

"when can I start working with my spirits again?" she looked him in his eyes with a hint of her lost determination

"no hard work for a couple of days to let the healing set in stone ok." the dark haired mage stood and grabbed a box "these are specially ground tea leaves that will help with any vitamin deficiency you may have acquired over the last month. it also helps with sore throat. I want you drink one 16oz cup a day."

exactly two day after Cristoff healed me I took out my pouches and slowly started to call my silver spirits one by one. apologizing for the way I had treated and for abandoning them. everyone forgave me as we formed new contracts. then it came to the gold keys...

breathing in I focused all my energy and magic into the shiny key with the regal lion on the end. it began to warm, a tell tale sign that my faithful lion is coming but no sooner that the door began to shimmer dimly the light failed and vanished into air. throwing myself to the ground in frustration I let myself focus on the green grass that lied in front of me 'I'm not strong enough to even hold open a golden gate'

I have met Kaleb, started working with him, was a little shaken by the fact he wasn't actually a healer like Cristoff was, Kaleb was a Mindbender, and a powerful one, and he worked on healing minds. At first the fact my friends thought I needed my mind healed offended me, and I denied it, but after a couple days of being unable to summon a golden key, it wasn't something I could deny anymore.

So, she accepted the help, worked with both Cristoff and Kaleb faithfully.

a week later Lucy sat on the ground and breathed in. "alright first meditating in a month I can - no I must do this I need to be able to call out my gold keys!"

what people didn't realize about her magic was that as a holder mage her magic wasn't meant to be outside her body so for her to be able to do this took a lot out of her. to even hold open a gold gate took a insane amount of energy so if she could do this she could open her spirits' gate.

the sun still laid low on the horizon and all around her the birds were calling. she focused on the sound of the waves allowing it to set the pace of her breathing.

'Breathe in the air around you and collect the etherno into your containers hold for a few seconds and expel your breath and etherno. breathe in breathe out simple'

as she felt herself become centered she let out a big breath 'ok now for the hard stuff' she breathed in and focused her etherno in her magic containers to rush out of her body like before then she formed them into balls. 'come on Lucy you used to do this without breaking a sweat expand!' As the two balls split into 4 and then 16 she felt her head begin to hurt.

she ignored the pain as she focused '32... now move!'

as she demanded for the glowing orbs to move they just shivered side to side she could feel the sweat pouring down her face she started to ignore her surroundings and the people yelling at her while focusing on the blips in front of her "Lucy stop"

she felt something wet start to trail from her nose and mouth 'MOVE' the orbs did the opposite and started to decrease in number as Kaleb's strong voice filled her head "Lucy you need to stop you're pushing yourself too far and if you don't stop you'll do more harm then good"

I allowed myself to slowly lose concentration and when I came from my dazed state I wiped my eyes in frustration only to realize that I was bleeding from my nose and mouth "dammit it still not good enough."

Kaleb and Lucy were walking along the shore collecting shells for one of her spirits. he watched her as she kept on staring out into the distance. when he searched her mind he kept on having to wade through several levels of thoughts to get what she was thinking. she always thought like that it was a call of a good tactician.

"Lucy are you ok?" grabbing a pink shell 'I wonder why I am having issues with my magic'

she hummed in response she threw a skipping rock watching it. ounce on the surface. "your magic is fine Lucy you just have to work your way back up. think about it when you were born could you automatically uses your mom's golden keys or could you only use silver keys" she nodded but he could sense something else was wrong with her. "you know you can't hide from me what else is wrong"

Lucy huffed and turned her head I got a guy on my brain"

his eyebrows went into his hairline as he tried to mentally pick through her brain but he couldn't get past the mental blockade she had up unless he wanted her to know he was looking "and who would that be I haven't seen you really show any interest at the guild."

"none of your beeswax and stay out of my brain cuz I'm not telling" she giggled playfully and bumped butts with him hoping that would change topics.

Lucy relaxed from her standard meditation pose mad breathed in. she wasn't anywhere near as close to the level she was 5 months ago but she had worked her way back to where she was when she first started using her moms golden keys. these last few months she had been doing nothing but meditating / yoga with Kaleb, faron and Xally and Sparing with everyone else she had even managed to pin Vander twice. now for the first time in awhile she touch the key to her for head 'com home my faithful lion come home to me '

pulsing her magic into the key she felt the key warm in response. pushing magic into the golden key I once was contracted. "Open gate of the lion Leo" I felt myself stager a little glad that Lucy had chosen to remain sitting when she felt my containers drop drastically with the familiar pull of the key opening.

loke gave a strange look before he walked in front of her "same contract ?"

"definitely" She smiled at him and he pulled her into a deep hug "oh how I've missed you"

"Lucy im concerned, I healed you when you came here so why are still acting like your dying?" Cristoff leaned against the railing of the porch with Lucy being the big teddy bear that he is he naturally adopted Lucy as his sister and they had became extremely close.

"It's just that I have to go back soon and I don't really want to. I love everybody but the thing about being that close to death is that you really do realize how alone you are and how everyone can live without you."

The lunar healer pulled her against his body in a warm embrace "that cant be true, All of your friends would miss you dearly and sure as life dragged on they would soon have to find a life without you there but you'd live on in their memories just as your mother and father do yours. do you want your family to be in pain and grief the rest of their lives?"

"no, I want them to be happy its just- I was just- I was envious of how that got to live their life so happily while my life was crumbling. I mean even sweet Wendy has found her mate in Romeo and I've never even been on a date with someone more than one time and then there is your brother..."

Cristoff raised his eyebrows as he felt Vander enter into the room with his brother through the voids. Probably Kaleb and Vander teaming up to help Lucy along... "i'm assuming that you are talking about bix,"

Bickslow slid out of the shadow behind her "what about his brother?"

not hearing the change in voice she shifted away from where Cristoff's had been and looked out at the sunset in front of them the fiery sun relinquishing itself to the Boscan sea and in return gave way to the refreshing moon she held back the tears

she never admitted this aloud "I love- I love him but I didn't think he loved me I mean he could literally have anybody that he wanted by being Boscan let alone by being on The Raijinshū. I never thought I had chance with him and now I definitely don't have a chance thanks to what I did at the club"

"that's not true" Bickslow was now inching behind her his hand outstretched his feet dragged slightly as the tunnel vision kicked in.

"your just saying that because you are empathetic Cris." she looked down at her hands when suddenly she was spun around to face the same vibrant red eyes she had come to love

"No I'm saying that because I love you. I just never thought that I stood a chance. Your soul calls to me because You're my soul mate." with that he pulled her against him and pressed his lips into hers

the end... maybe

 **an/ thank you Desna for editing this chapter. and for allall of you guys who decided to stay despite the gloomy last chapter**


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